Or more accurately, ten rows forward and five rows back.
This shawl, my latest knitting project, has been sent by the universe to teach me something. I’m sure that’s what’s going on here.
The short version (of the long/endless shawl project) is that I keep making the same mistakes over and over. And while I can fix many mistakes now, the one I keep making can’t be fixed (by someone at my skill level anyway). And this time I can’t “live with it” either because the result will be a wholly unraveled shawl. I’ll spare you the details about the exact sort of knitting trouble I’m getting into but suffice it to say that I don’t usually notice the problem until I am rows and rows along, which means I have to painstakingly backtrack stitch by stitch, row by row. There are about 400 stitches in each row. On Sunday, I spent the entire afternoon watching football and knitting backwards. Yikes.
Today I finally got back in “drive”; I was literally down to the last three rows (I’ve been to this point before by the way) when I spotted another mistake about four rows back. So really, at this point it is time to contemplate those bigger universal lessons. I think I’m struggling with the same situation over and over because I have yet to master the following : Patience, process rather than results, patience, acceptance of things we can not change, patience, kindness to self, patience, gratitude for do-overs, patience, using lifelines (knitting term), patience. Oh, and did I mention patience?
In meditation I’m learning that I can hang in and be with some pretty annoying thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. They won’t kill me. They will pass. And in my day-to-day life I’m always trying to remember that, especially when things aren’t going my way. This Sisyphean knitting project will end. I will be the proud owner of a beautiful shawl that (hopefully) will not unravel at an inopportune time. I’m just not going to finish it today as I had hoped and planned. And that is not a catastrophe.
Oh and there’s one more lesson:
I am allowed to step away from that which is making me unhappy and find something else that will make me happier-baking this cake, for instance. If you want to bake it, I promise it will make you happier too. The recipe is here.